passenger 36C, return to your seat.
please lock all trays and seats in the upright position.
attention, all passengers; we will begin our initial descent in just a few moments.
the weather in our fair city is a mild 70F, with clear skies and a nice easterly breeze.
landing gear, popping ears, touchdown, skid to stop.
welcome home.
ever since i was little, i've had a fascination with airplanes. i rode on one for the first time when i was nine, down to florida with my mom and dad to go see my half-sister and visit disney world.
it's funny how some things stick with you, like how she looked right after she had her first baby, your niece.
how your dad cried when you told him you loved him for the first time in years.
the way your mom used to come in your room every night and rub your back so you would sleep better.
how you felt when your grandmother showed up at the horse show and took you to the hospital because of the crash your mom, her daughter, was just in.
the way your first real kiss made you feel, even if you would barely remember what happened the next day.
the way he looked and tasted and acted the last time you saw him.
the way you felt when you got behind the wheel of your first car and drove off into the sunset.
the first time you experienced the "beer goggle" effect and drunkenly blew some jackass guy at a party who you knew was planning this stunt all night long and how used and gross you felt after, mainly because you sobered up and realized he wasn't the hot piece of ass you thought he was.
the first cigarette you smoked, with mary at wayside.. how the clove made your lips tingle and tasted sweet and how hard the smoke made you cough.
the first hit you took off molly's bowl a few months later, in her sister's bedroom in her house downtown.
the first time you met brandon, and how bad you wanted him to be yours but he liked mary and now they've been dating for over a year and you have realized he's more like the big brother you never had anyway.
the first party you and mary went to at his house, and how he and chris bought you two a handle of captain to share.
the first time you met kevin and alia and how much you liked them both and how happy you are that they got together and that they're still together.
the way you felt when you realized that your entire life has revolved around seeing everyone you know go about their lives with purpose, while you're stalled out on train tracks..
the red and white safety rails are coming down and the lights are flashing red and yellow, and no shit, there's a train coming.
how hard you're trying to get into first and get the fuck off these damn train tracks but the car keeps stalling and shutting off.
how frantically you step on the clutch and turn the key over and over and over again with quaking hands.
the way your brain shuts off as 250 tons of steel and steam plows into the passenger door of your little five-speed and how, at that moment, when your neck snaps and your body smashes into your driver's side door and your face hits your window, you knew this was just some enlightened bullshit about how you always knew you'd end up.
the way you felt when you saw that baby bird die and realized that everything and everyone will expire and you better fucking carpe diem this shit or you are condemned to nothingness forever.
how fucking terrified you were when you realized that everyone will leave you in the end, in one way or another.
with
out
fail.
call me blind, but i
never
saw it coming.
ever.
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